Be Kind: Week 2

Week One of my love challenge was the never ending struggle of displaying a sense of patience. Much like every person I have ever met, I have a very specific set of stressors that cause me to lose my cool and become a bit of an impatient toe tapper. I was challenged, to say the least. The next element of displaying Godly love is kindness.  I needed to look this one up. My thoughts were "okay, so I just need to be nice this week? No problem!" For the sake of keeping this Love Challenge, an actual challenge, I decided against looking at this week as the easy week and learn what true Godly kindness is...

 

What is kindness?

Kindness starts with caring—being tenderhearted and compassionate toward others. If God wants us to be kind to animals, how much more to people! (See Proverbs 12:10).

Next, we must make it our goal and habit to be actively looking for opportunities to show kindness. When we see one, we need to act quickly before the opportunity is gone.

The Greek word for "kind" is chrestos. Part of its meaning is useful, which makes it clear that biblical kindness involves action. "Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions" (1 John 3:18, New Living Translation, emphasis added throughout).

Action includes some kind of self-sacrifice and therefore generosity on our part, especially of our time. (That doesn't mean we neglect sufficient rest and whatever is needed to refill our own well.)

Of course, the emphasis on deeds over mere words does not mean words are unnecessary. Action includes words. Encouraging words of comfort, courtesy, compliments and even correction can be heartwarming acts of kindness. Several biblical proverbs attest to this.

What to say and not say should be guided by awareness of the sensitivities of others. We must help people heal from their emotional wounds rather than rubbing salt in those wounds. Sadly, when people know what "buttons to push," they often use that insight to further hurt each other.

Our motive for "charitable deeds" should not be to impress people (Matthew 6:1-4). The greatest rewards from God come when our acts of kindness are done humbly, quietly and, when practical, anonymously.

Doing someone a favor to get a favor in return is not wrong unless it's illegal or unethical (like bribery). But a favor done to get some benefit is not true kindness. Genuine kindness is lending a helping hand when you expect nothing in return.

Kindness should begin with our kin. Ironically and tragically, many people display their most unkind behavior with the ones they should love the most. God is not unaware of this hypocrisy.

And Jesus Christ emphasized that we must be kind to everyone, not just our family and friends (Luke 6:31-34). If you do this, "your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to [even] the unthankful and evil" (verse 35).

(from the amazing site http://www.ucg.org/christian-living/fruit-spirit-kindness-heart-helping-hand/ . I often reference this site when I need to take a deeper look at something that seems far too simple)

Clearly I am up for a bit more of a challenge than simply "being nice." Week 2? Be kind.

Rules I live by:

It is often that I am asked how it's possible that I have my hand in so many different things without losing my mind. I am the office manager for 2 restaurants and for one of those restaurants I am the events coordinator, I help with administration/promotion/database entry for my friends' yoga studio, my husband and I own a construction business, I am finishing my business degree, I am on the committee for the Young Professionals Network through the Chamber of Commerce and I tend to wind up helping with various events for family and friends. Why do I do all of this? I love it. I love all of it. But, sometimes I get exhausted. I don't claim to be any type of guru on how to manage the busy beast but here are some rules I live by:

1. Learn to say no. seriously. It took me years to say that word and accept that I wasn't mentally capable to take on what I wanted to.

2. If you want to do something, understand that you must also want the sacrifices.

3. Work is not number one. Whoever lives under your roof and those related to them or you, are. Make sure your actions reflect that you truly believe that.

4. Aside from the regular/daily/monotonous chores, do something irregular around the house. ie: once the laundry/dishes/floors/whatever it is you do on a daily basis is done do something extra like scrub the tub or organize the linen closet. It'll make you feel truly accomplished.

5. Feeling stressed? Busy day? Wear pretty underwear. No one will know why you have a little extra pep in your step, but you will, and now you're super woman.

6. Commit to doing something that you've never done before. It can be extreme like base jumping or sky diving but also something small like taking an extra long lunch or trying out a new restaurant. New experiences tend to revitalize.

7. Have a sense of humor. Life is way too short to be tightly wound. Look like a fool, laugh (hard) every day. Seriously, the only one who cares that you look poised every day is you. Lighten up!

8. Communicate throughout a stressful situation, instead of at the end of one. Don't let stress or frustrations build up until you blow. Use your brain before you use your mouth and take a break if you need to.

9. Sometimes you doesn't matter. This is a humbling one. If you're able to go on and on about yourself, learn to shush. Put yourself aside more often than you put yourself as numero uno.

10. Exercise. I know, it's terrible. So awful to exert yourself but in the words of Elle Woods "exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy, happy people don't just kill their husbands, they just don't." This is a good one for yourself and your husband. Get off the couch, you'll be happy and won't kill your husband. And make it fun! Jog around your neighborhood with your ipod as loud as it'll go and sing your heart out. Take a class that kicks your butt without you knowing it.

11. Fill your life with positive input. Friends, family, tv shows, music, faith, experiences. What you input, you output. You reap what you sow. You are the company you keep. You know the quotes, .. basically your attitude and words are a direct reflection of the things that you choose to surround yourself with. So choose and weed out wisely.

12. Plan ahead. Doing things last minute is stressful and expensive. Make lists, be organized (or try to) and don't worry if you forgot something. You may be able to do without it.

13. God. This should be number one but I'm going to be honest in saying that it generally takes a whole lot of me to get out of the way until I fully rely on Him. There is not any one person in this world that is capable of all that I need. But He is. I don't try to trick myself into thinking that being busy is fulfilling or that my husband is capable of filling all of my needs. Jeremy is off the hook but God is happy to be on it. I'm only able because He is through me. I am whole because He is in me and I have joy because He gave it to me. And I am beautiful in my incompletion and imperfection because I am His creation.




There's my list of rules. Pretty standard. But now you know :))

Lord, Change My Attitude... Before it's too late!

I just finished this book today and I was so impressed with the entire thing. From the forward to the epilogue. James MacDonald is the author and a Pastor. His author voice is so relate-able. He talks about changing your wilderness attitude into a promised land attitude (referencing the Old Testament story about Moses bringing the Isrealites out of Egypt and into the Promised Land). How do you do this, you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked because he creatively ties every chapter into the next. For example: chapter one-replace a complaining attitude...chapter two-with a thankful attitude, 3/4- replace a covetous attitude with an attitude of contentment, 5/6- replace a critical attitude with an attitude of love, 7/8- replace a doubting attitude with an attitude of faith, 9/10- replace a rebellious attitude with an attitude of submission. Pretty great stuff, huh? It's longer than the books I've been reading, but totally worth reading again. If you flipped through my copy you would find lots of high lighting and underlining. I'm sure once I read it again I will have more to mark. It was truly an eye opening book that just totally called me out! We all struggle with attitude problems and can find things to assign fault or blame, but why? Why, when something so much greater is waiting for us once we get over our attitudes? My eyes are opened! A must read!

Disciplines of a Godly Woman

For the past couple of months or so, our church has been selling (what they call) the "book of the month." I have never been a person who considers reading a recreational enjoyment. I've basically been in the habit of reading for educational purposes. Ways of saving money, parenting tips, house renovations, textbooks for class, etc. For the past couple of months or so I have become increasingly interested in coupling my bible reading with my school books and adding one one more book for enjoyment.

I just finished "Disciplines of a Godly Woman" by Barbara Hughes, this morning. I have never been so convicted yet encouraged by a stranger through the words on a page.

In a very brief summary of the life changing principles written in between the title page and the reference page, she touches on the soul, character, relationships, ministry and grace. She goes into detail about the disciplines of the gospel, submission, prayer, worship, mind, contentment, propriety, perseverance, church, singleness, marriage, nurturing, good deeds, witness, giving and discipline. Sounds like a long list, huh? She carefully and gently lists the things we are called to do and be like according to God's Word.

She closes with this quote pertaining to God's never ending grace:

When we have exhausted our store of endurance.
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done;
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power has no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,
He giveth, and giveth and giveth again

-ANNIE JOHNSON FLINT

When He Cooks.. I Sit.

spicy corn casserole
apple/blueberry crisp

I am absolutely aware that I am one of those very blessed wives who has a husband who will cook for me. A husband who can cook well for me I should say. I definitely have never needed to choke down a dinner with the thought "it's the thought that counts, he tried" playing in my head on repeat. My only struggle with him being in the kitchen, is..... honestly?... with him being in the kitchen! I am a self professed (and working on it) control freak/perfectionist. Granted, not everything in my world is on the list of things I feel the urge to control, but the kitchen, absolutely, is on the list. I've noticed that in the past year or two, an increasing amount of situations will pop up where I am forced to fight the urge to just take over and force everyone else to just stand-by while I make everything "perfect." Seriously
:::who do i think i am?:::
I'm learning how to relax, take a few deep breaths and live a little. It's very stressful putting yourself in control all of the time, and when you realize how incredibly unnecessary it is and how much damage it's doing for --nothing-- it also makes you feel a little, nope a lot, ridiculous. I would rather have a blast and make memories and enjoy the time I'm spending with someone doing something than turning gray early worrying about the final product.

So from now on, when he cooks... I sit.
(unless he needs help ;)

Mere Christianity

A little bit of a vocab lesson (and by saying the word "lesson" understand that I don't think that I'm teaching you something you don't already know) according to my marketing class:

Attitude- a consistent evaluation, positive or negative, about people, places or things
Motivation-a need that causes action
Satisfiers-factors that meet needs
Learning-a change in behavior due to past experiences

I'm reading a book I was given as a Christmas gift from my brother-in-law, Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. I'm sure you've heard of it, it's one of the biggies. I grew up with Christian morals and standards as a child. It was the pillar of my upbringing. I have always believed that if you stand firm on something that you were told to believe then you aren't standing firm at all, you need to experience it for yourself. Make it your own. Know exactly why it is you believe what you do... not just because mommy said so. While reading this book I've been very motivated to share it with other people, I'm learning a lot and it's creating a new perspective and a new attitude on why my faith meets my needs... I've spent a good amount of time trying to run away from the path that God has for my life. Faith and Grace pull me back in, every time. I've been doing a lot of reading and researching. Equipping, if you will. I want to understand why I feel what I feel. I'm the halfway person, you know.. there's the person that is ok with just "that feeling" and basing their faith on that, these people don't need proof. Truth is truth and that's the end of the story.. Others need facts and dates and history.. more of an intellectual ground to stomp on. I'm inbetween the two. I always have been. 'Mere Christianity' is a very logical way of looking at the Christian faith. I have been challenged, humbled and convicted by this book. C.S. Lewis is brilliant. Here's a few quotes I've underlined, so far.. (I'm only 150 pages in)

~"Strictly speaking, there are no such thing as good and bad impulses. Think once again of a piano. It has not got two kinds of notes on it, the "right" notes and the "wrong" ones. Every single note is right at one time and wrong at another. The Moral Law is not any one instinct or set of instincts: it is something which makes a kind of tune (the tune we call goodness or right conduct) by directing the instincts."

~"In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that-and, therefore, know yourself as nothing in comparison- you do not know God at all. As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you"

~"To love and admire anything outside yourself is to take one step away from utter spiritual ruin; though we shall not be well so long as we love and admire anything more than we love and admire God"

~"Charity means 'Love, in a Christian sense.' But love in a Christian sense does not mean an emotion. It is a state not of the feelings but of the will; that state of the will which we have naturally about ourselves, and must learn to have about other people."

~"We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means-the only complete realist."

~"And what matters is the nature of the change in itself, not how we feel while is is happening. It is the change from being confident about our own efforts to the state in which we despair of doing anythings for ourselves and leave it to God."

I can't wait to finish this book, undoubtedly, with a new fresh perspective on Christianity.

A Story...

...told by my dad, published in my Grandmother's book 'Confessions of an ex-Jehovah's Witness':

We stood on the slick, brown path at the top of the cliff, shivering, dripping wet, not really conscious of what had just happened. "Am I in trouble?" Toni asked. I choked down the lump in my throat, smiled and answered, "No, honey." She was silent for a few moments, no small accomplishment for a chatty 7-year-old. "Well" she said finally, "I guess God just didn't want me dead yet." All emotions broke loose. I knelt down in the mucky path and held my precious daughter in my arms, tears shamelessly falling down my cheeks. Other hikers may have passed us by. I do not recall. All I could think of was what might have happened, could have happened to Toni. And me.

*************

It was a beautiful May afternoon in the Pacific Northwest. The rain was much warmer than normal for this time of year.

I had carefully chosen an ambitious outing for myself and my three kids: Tyler, my oldest, was all boy at 11. Cali, my youngest was 6 years old, had a wanderlust; I'd have to keep a close eye on her. And Toni. "Little Miss Socialite," my wife called her. She had a God-given gift of leadership that did not need teaching but did need mentoring.

The outing I had chosen for that Saturday afternoon was a hike I'd found in a trail guide for children. It appeared to be a relatively easy hike in the foothills of Snoqualmie Pass. The guide showed a beautiful waterfall on the trail, plus a natural waterslide. It was unlikely that we would be able to enjoy the waterslide because the spring runoff would be fierce.

The rain drizzled steadily over us, but the thick pine canopy reduced the rain to a faint mist. Happily, we marched in a single file up the trail to the first top, a 50-foot drop called Franklin's Falls. The scene was breathtaking and the kids loved it.

The thick, foggy mist made our hair and face wet and cold, but the kids didn't seem to mind. We lingered for awhile as the falls poured thousands of gallons into Denny Creek, making the smooth rocks at the base of the falls waxy and unsure. Then, we returned to the trail.

Again, we formed a single file as the path wove up and away from the river into the dense forest, and back along the canyon's edge some 30 to 40 feet above the creek. Occasionally, we would wander away from the path and look over the edge of the cliff, admiring God's handiwork, stopping once to eat a quick lunch. I encouraged the kids to explore safely, within eyesight and earshot of myself or one of the other kids. These were smart kids, eager to wander but conscious of their surroundings and potential for danger.

Off to the right we could hear the thunder of another waterfall. This one was not on the map. We left the trail to find it.

There it was, smaller than Franklin Falls, but no less beautiful. It fell at least 40 feet straight into a steeply declining chute of rapids. I could see now why the guide said we would not be able to delight in the waterslide; the river was angry here, rushing by at a speed I could not calculate. I stood in awe of the raw power being generated. The sound was nearly deafening, and I did not notice that my three children were climbing down for a closer look, with Toni, the natural leader, in front.

I started down after them, being mindful of the glassy smooth rocks that were thinly covered by new green moss.

"Watch your step," I yelled over the din of the falls. "Those rocks are really slippery!"
Toni nodded. Tyler waved, but Cali held back a little and let me pass so that I could help her down.

As I reached back to help Cali down a small ridge, I heard a scream.

I whipped my head around just in time to see Toni falling headfirst over the cliff's horizon.
Strangely, I was not afraid, was not panicked. I felt a profound sense of urgency and concern, of course, but never fear.

"Stay put," I told the other two. I quickly made my way to the cliff's edge. I listened intently for a response to my calls and finally heard the sweetest sound I shall ever hear: "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

Somehow, she had managed to miss the massive rocks jutting from the face of the cliff, missed the huge log that lay placidly across the boiling river, and miraculously, missed the wrathful current itself.

"I'm coming, baby. Daddy's coming," I called back. The closer I got to the steeply sloping cliff's edge, the less footing I found. Suddenly, my feet slipped on the mossy rock. The sky became the ground the ground became the sky; pain began to stab at my back, my leg, my arm as I tumbled helplessly down the cliff, bouncing off boulders and the huge pin log before becoming instantly, briefly airborne, and finally splashing in the the freezing water. I came up immediately, gasping and ready to fight the fierce current.

Incredibly, the current charged past behind me, a scant two or three feet away. I stood now in approximately five feet of slow-moving, almost still, water where the cliff face made a sharp inward V-cut into the mountain. To the right and left of the V-cut the icy water rushed madly by, oblivious of the sanctuary where I landed.

Toni was clinging to a small flat rock at the base of the cliff. She looked so tiny and courageous there as she silently struggled to grip the smoothed edges of stone with her small, frosty fingers.

"Daddy's here, Daddy's here," I panted. "I gotcha, baby."

I wadded over, the water still up to my chest at the base of the cliff. I pushed Toni up and out of the water and onto a small lip. From there we slowly made our way up the face of the cliff, crawling, grabbing crevices, shoving our knees hard against the stone, and dragging ourselves upward, our clothes still weighty and hanging with the drenching from the river below.
I briefly looked up. I saw my son, whom I'd completely forgotten about, leaning precariously down with a small strap he'd taken off the water bottle.

"Get back!" I barked. "We're OK. Go back up." Somewhere far above us, Cali was safely embracing a huge tree.

We continued our struggle up the cliff, finally emerging at the ridge where we began our trek.

Later at home, we examined our wounds. Toni had somehow managed to escape with only a small scratch on her leg. She had fallen approximately 20 feet, head first. I had bruises on my back, legs, arm and side, plus a very painful sprained left wrist. I had fallen closer to 30 feet.

That night when we said our prayer, we took our time.

Since that day, God has reminded me of the incident and the significance of many aspects of that trip. Such as how we as human beings are so easily lured by the things of this world when we stray from the path that God has chosen for us, and how easy we can fall because of our weaknesses. But he also reminded me that when we do fall, we can still call out for Him because we have a relationship with Him; He is, after all, our Father. And when we call out to Him, He is swift and sure to come.

(A time after my dad was haunted with the details of this traumatic day he woke up in the middle of the night and wrote this song)

************

The path is narrow, the cliff is steep
I try to focus, but sometimes I fall deep
And no earthly man can save me from my fall
There is only One Who hears my call

I'm cold and weary, my strength is gone
I'm bound to stumble; how long can I go on?
And just when I'm about to give it in
He gives me the hope to try again

I cry out, Oh Father, and He comes to me
I reach out to Him, and He takes my hand
And like a frightened child I'm clinging to the Rock of my salvation
until He comes

He comes for me

***************

I ran across this book today while looking for something in our book shelf. I forgot that this experience was published. And until reading the book several years ago, didn't know that my dad immortalized this memory on paper. I'm moved by Grace and am driven by His plan. He's not finished with me yet.

PEACE

I woke up this morning at a little before 5 am with not an ounce of sleep left in me. I was wide awake and ready to chase after whatever details the day had on it's itinerary. Jeremy was not so wide awake, quite the opposite, he was narrowly sleeping...?... Anyway, trying not to wake my equally narrow sleeping dog, I got onto the computer... 20 minutes later... I couldn't stand it anymore... C'mon! Wake up! I was able to carefully wake Jeremy and convince him to take a walk with me and the pooch if I got him coffee at our neighborhood espresso stand. We arrived at home with darkness still blanketing the sky, still so I decided to work out and get a little bible reading in. I've been reading in Galatians and decided to look up a study online to partner with my reading. Along with the study of each verse, it also had descriptions/definitions of each term pertaining to the context that it's in (ie "Law" in this book is talking about the Mosaic Law in the Old Testament, as oppose to "Gods Law" in the New Testament). Galatians is a letter to the Galatian people written by Paul, an apostle. In several passages he emphasizes peace. Peace. A word jam packed full of meaning. I think depending on the person/circumstance that word is jam packed full of relative meaning. The mom with 5 toddlers may have a different perspective on what peace is to her versus the single student about to graduate Law School. These perspectives are possibly far more circumstantial meanings as oppose to the state of definitive peace. This study defined peace as:

"A cessation of conflict, a state of contentment, and quietness of heart, a sense of well being."

After reading this I realized how important my daily lists aren't and how little importance my busy-ness is. If you can't find peace, you're in a constant state of chaos. I realized that I need to find less pride in all of the things I've accomplished at the cost of loss of sleep, good attitude or eating and find myself in a state of stillness and peace. After thinking about it, why am I adding to the worlds' chaos with my own? My mission to get into the habit of practicing a peaceful state.

Meet My Mister

Meet my Mr. Busy, my Mr. Driven, my Mr. Sweetheart, my Mr. Thoughtful, my Mr. Strong, my Mr. Creative, my Mr. Selfless, my Mr. Giving, my Mr. Handsome, my Mr. Talented, my Mr. Handy, my Mr. Loving, Caring, Successful, Overcoming, Godly, Patient, Tolerant, Smart, Helper, Teacher, Best Friend. My Mister Husband.

There are moments in a marriage that pleasantly and proverbially slap you in the face with a "and THIS is why you chose this mister to be your forever." Today, Jeremy and I woke up with a list of things to do. We've been working every day this week on our house/yard and are nearing the end of our list of "to-do's." Jeremy has also been working long days in an attempt to finish numerous small jobs to prepare for his monster job he's got coming up soon. I'm so impressed with the amount of energy in him. He is a get er done kind of guy. And with a willing attitude, which is key. With the list dwindling down and a sleepy/rainy Saturday to wake up to neither one of us were quick to get out of bed to get started on the house before we went to work. Jeremy started several things on the list and went outside to pick a giant bucket full of apples from our tree (without me asking) for my baking day I have planned with some ladies from our church on Monday. He thought enough about what I had going on to pick those apples for me and my friends. This may seem like a small thing to be made into a big deal, and honestly he does sweet/thoughtful things like this all of the time, but today we were both worn out and unmotivated. Despite being burnt out, he thought of me first. I am a blessed woman. Love you J!

Pleasant Surprise

I have been in a constant state of being pleasantly surprised in the past several months. I start out with a fairly pessimistic attitude of the outcome (which surprises me to say about myself, I've always considered myself to be a very positive thinker) with something I've volunteered to do or am participating in or a sticky situation with someone. It seems that I'm being shown so many different facets of life that I've not been open to in the past. Which also surprises me to say about myself because I've always thought of myself to be open to just about anything. In any case, I love being pleasantly proved wrong. I am absolutely ok with that!

Recently I learned that a crafty co-worker of mine was moving back to her home town in Hawaii after some very unexpected and unfortunate events. As a hobby, another co-worker of mine digs for crystals. She'll ecstatically bring them into work, after they've been carefully cleaned, and show all of us why they are so special. This girl knows her rock facts. I appreciated the fact that she was so interested in digging for rocks, but they were just rocks to me... until... my friend who was moving decided that she would love to go rock digging before her departure. These rocks would be beautifully turned into jewelry. One thing that bonds her and I is our love for being crafty and creating. Since I was willing to do whatever she wanted to get in as much time with her as I could before she left I agreed to go. The three of us met on a very early, misty, weekday to dig for rocks. We pulled into a hidden nook, lakeside and began digging. We played a game called "rock of the day" which was us basically comparing our rocks to see who had the best find. It was exciting to find little unexpected treasures that I would have otherwise walked right over and ignored. I learned a lot and had so much fun! Who knew?